Sunday night. This night has sort of a paradoxical connotation tied to it for me. It goes back to, for lack of a better phrase, my extremely crappy childhood.
Let me explain. I was, like many of you, a child of divorce. I lived with my mother, saw my father on weekends (when he remembered he had a daughter waiting for him to pick her up) and dealt with all of the guilt, sadness, and overall wistfulness of being the kid caught between parents that hated each other. It was, as I mentioned, extremely crappy. And Sundays were the worst because that was the day that my father would drop me back off at home, and I knew it could be the last time I ever saw him. I would make my way into the house where my mother would be waiting, and if I looked even the least bit sad, she would launch into attack mode. “Oh what’s the matter—had so much fun with your dad that coming home to your boring old mother is too depressing? Well sorry I have to work two jobs to support us since that fun-loving s.o.b. doesn’t bother to pay child support….” And on it would go until her energy was spent and I was completely demoralized. My saving grace was, ironically, the fact that my father didn’t see me every weekend, so the times when I was forgotten actually saved part of my soul. I know, sounds dumb.
This childhood memory, glum though it may be, completely shaped the person I am today. For better or worse. What did I learn? Well, for one, I learned that being yourself and feeling what you feel has consequences. It seems like a crazy lesson, right? But it is one that I draw on to this day. I spent so much time trying to hide who I was and how I felt as a kid, that I eventually lost sight of who that actually was. When I was little, the price seemed way too high, what with listening to my mother rant and rave and tell me how ungrateful I was, so I really felt that masking my true emotions was worth it. And into my teen years, I sort of just grew accustomed to doing that. It wasn’t until I was living on my own that the impact of that mindset became clear to me: Nobody knew me. Oh sure, people knew who I was-my name was out there. But nobody actually KNEW me. And it was really scary, and really lonely.
I wish I could say that once I had this epiphany, my life magically transformed and I became a mature, well-adjusted, productive member of society. But, since I would never lie to you guys, I can’t say that because that’s not what happened. It took time. A lot of time, with a lot of very painful repercussions resulting from my journey of enlightenment. But, now, here I am. A bit worse for the wear, but soul utterly intact and identity firmly entrenched in each decision I make. Was it worth it? Absofreakinglutely.
So, now it’s your turn.
What childhood memory thus far has shaped who you are? Do you want this memory to be the blueprint for which you design your “true Self?” If the answer is no, think about how you can change your perspective on it. What can you learn? If the answer is yes, talk about how you can impact the world and those in it who are most important to you. What lesson would you want to impart that has its root in this memory? I know this is hard; take your time. Nothing worth having is ever easy. And this answer is worth having. Trust me
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My childhood memory is all of my mothers family trying to make me hate my father and all of my fathers family trying to make me hate my mother. My whole life ive been lying about how i feel to everyone because of the things ive been through in my childhood. i would tell everyone to make the right decisions if its the right decision in your heart make it. i would also tell them to keep good company because people who steal or do drugs or drink alcohal most of the time are not good company to keep. also i would tell them be true to thierselves who cares what anyone else thinks the longer you care about what other people think about you the less you will be happy because your always worried what someone else thinks just be yourself
ReplyDeleteMy childhood memories aren’t exactly my favorite memories. I try not to think about my childhood, Well when I say childhood I mean the years that come before this one. (Since I am still considered a child)
ReplyDeleteMy life wasn’t so hot growing up, in-fact it sucked until just a few years ago.
I try to think about my childhood all that often.
I don’t think my memories really have to do with the way I am as much as I am raised although I do remember my parents always trying to have me hate each of them.
My mom would always make my dad look like the bad guy and my dad would do the same to her. That still happens to this day with them. My dad will call me and try to get me mad at my mom and my mom will do the same.
I also always had to put that fake smile on that we have all had to do once or twice.
I always had that smile on, Cause when I came home from my moms house and my dad saw that I was sad I would of gotten a load of shit.
Or if my mom saw that I really didn’t wanna go to her house and do NOTHING while she hung out with her boyfriend she wouldn’t of ever picked me up and I would have been stuck with my dad.
I still act happy when I am not to this day.
I am also a very reactive person because of the way I was raised and the way I was treated.
It gets me into a lot of trouble, and people often judge me for something im really not.
I guess I was never really me growing up. I was what my parents wanted me to be. Its like telling your kid they can be anything they want when they grow up…. But the next day tell them they have to be a Teacher, or doctor or ect.
I was never me, Until I moved out and I was aloud to be me.
I wish it wasn’t so but usually the worst childhood memory is the one that shapes you. When I was a little boy some where about 7 years old my older brother and I got a little to experimental. Yea it’s tragic sometimes to think that my own brother would allow it but we were too young to know better. I felt so lost and unloved all the time. No matter what people told me I still felt the same I was trying time after time to believe them but I just couldn’t. My brother did this for five years. I asked him many times to stop it but all my pleas to make him stop were useless. I felt trapped I didn’t know who to go to I was scared to go to my parents scared to tell any one so I just went along with it. Shortly after I turned 14 he stopped giving me a little more freedom, or so I thought. My mind was forever changed and trapped in that thought that I was trapped that I couldn’t tell anyone. It wasn’t till years later when my parents found out that I was able to open up. After years or therapy and hard heart breaking talks I’m better for the most part. The sad part is because of how he treated me I thought I was always supposed to be with someone. Over the course of the next 3 years I dated over and over again giving my heart to people hoping not to get hurt but in return tearing them apart with heartless choices. I never knew I would be affected so much till a few days ago when for the first time I was sick with myself for not being able to pour out my feelings, or being able to know what I need instead of what I want. When you think your not having in trouble you are. You’re always going to have problems but be ready to learn to get over them. My road is long and hard and I’m starting on the journey to the end but the hard parts are still to come.
ReplyDeleteMy childhood memory thus far that has shaped who I am today would be my mom coming in and out of my life constantly and my dad and mom abusing me when I was younger. From all these things that have happened in my life made me the mentally strong teenager I am today. When I was younger and lived with my mom and dad I used to get abused by my mom when I’d wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares. She’d come into my room, which I shared with my brother, and she’d hit me and tell me to go back to sleep and to stop crying. When she was doing all of this my dad was never home because he was always working and he worked night shift at SEPTA and he didn’t get home til about 5 in the morning so he had no idea what was going on until my brother told him that she was beating me in the middle of the night just for having a nightmare. That’s what led my dad to wanting to leave her and when she told him that the kids (me and my sister) were going with her when my dad said absolutely not and filed for full custody of me. I know now that my dad did the right thing for my sister and I and im thankful that he did that..she was an unfit mother and I now know that im better off without her in my life and I know that as soon as I turn 18 im calling her up and telling her “thanks for nothing mom!”. I’m going to grow up to be successful and prove everyone in my family wrong. Im pretty sure that if I wasn’t abused and I grew up with a mom and dad and they stayed together that I’d be a completely different person today because of that. So to answer your question, I do think its my true self because everything happens for a reason and plus I cant even imagine where I’d be right now if they stayed together. The impact that I want to have on the world is to let everyone know to never give up and to tell everyone that you might have your rough times and easy times but what happens in your life will form who you will be in the future. From my past the lesson I learned is that some parents aren’t meant to have kids and some parents aren’t meant to be parents, they might be you mother and father but they might not be your mom and dad who is always there for you and will never leave you like mine left me plenty of times.
ReplyDeleteMy childhood although it wasn’t filled with daisies and roses it was good enough for me. It was filled with memories of my family together as a whole. I believe that there was no one single moment that has altered who I am but all of these experiences made me who I am today. The sad ones the happy ones all mixed together to make me. I think one significant memory was when me my mom, dad, and brother all went to Florida. We went to Disney world when ever I think that life is depressing and its not fare I think back to when I went to Disney world all those good memories and I realize that life always does have a payoff even if I don’t see it now life has a way of making up for all the bad times. It helps me get threw a lot of stuff, it was the best time of my life. Not just because all the rides where great and stuff. But it was the one time that I remember where all of us where together and there was no fighting just laughter and smiles. Not many memories of mine are like that but that time was I remember all of us road on the 3D spider man ride like 20 times. Also I was to short to ride on the hulk so I sagged my jeans so I could stand up in my shoes tippy toe so I was tall enough to ride. I have a picture hung up in my wall of all of us on the ride from the twilight zone. This is how I like to think back on my childhood and it makes me smile a lot that is how I try to live my life so that I create memories like Disney world. Everyday I try to at least laugh 20 times and smile like 50. I think it makes it easier if your main goal everyday is to focus on the good instead of dwelling on the bad.
ReplyDeleteThat story is really deep, and I can kind of relate to that because my parents are divorced as well. But they're still good friends and I see them both everyday. But anyway, my childhood memories are not that great and I really hated it now that I think and look back at all of it. See, I have asthma and mostly every year I got sick and had to take medicine all the time. Most of them were steroids, and I used to take them every day. It came to the point where I was huge for my age, and I was really inactive and didn’t really like anything besides video games. But as I got older, I stopped taking medicine every day. I only did it whenever I got sick. I started to get interested into other things I liked, like music and football. I’m much more active than I used to be and, believe it or not Much lighter and thinner than I was. You can even ask most people I know. I have more confidence than I ever did, and I’m definitely not as shy as I was. A lot more people like me than before when I was younger. It was hell most of my life when I was young. Most of the kids in school would always make fun of me because of how I looked and how I was, or acted. And it made me feel lower than I was. I would go home mad or sad every day, with my mom thinking that there was something wrong with me. So I decided to take action and change myself and my life. First off, I stopped spending my money on games and other dumb stuff, and now spend it on clothes, hanging out with my friends or something else important. The 2 people that really helped me throughout my life when making choices were my parents. They always gave me advice and was there for me. Most of the time they’d just annoy me and force me to do things I didn’t want. But the one thing that they made me do that I turned out to really like was band, as I mention it all the time. My whole life I lived being someone I wasn’t, and wasn’t until not too long ago I found my true self. Being confident and actually doing what I love to do made me who I am today. The lesson I learned is that peoples opinions don’t matter, and don’t take offense to what they say. Just be you, and learn to handle your problems instead of just accepting them.
ReplyDeleteI didn't really have a bad childhood and I thank my parents for that because even though they weren't together since I was like 5 years old, they always were good friends and made a good environment for me to live in, they never got married and my father left home to go in a cruiser, where he worked as a supervisor in a casino, he always gave my mom good money to pay my school and everything for me, he always called like 3 or 4 times a week and visited me once or twice year, but this is the memory I don't like. I am not going to say that my dad is a bad father, because he is not and I know he loves me, the only reason he left home to go travel the world was for my own benefit, he made more money in that job that in my country. But I always felt like a "part" of me was missing, every time I talked to him, I felt happy, I missed him so much, I felt bad every time my friends talked about their fathers and in my childhood was when I most needed him. I don't have brothers nor sisters, so in my house it was just me and my mom, this was the experience that shaped my life. My mom had to work, and she works in a casino too, so her scheduled was very busy, people in Colombia work more compare to here. This shaped my life because I became more "independent" and responsible, I was kind of by myself, unlike most children their parents help them with their homework, but I always did that by myself, I had to take care of my house cleaning and helping my mom and I used to act a little bit more mature than my friends. I acted so bad around the men that wanted to talk to my mom, because I felt that they wanted to take the place of my dad, and that my mom was going to pay more attention to them, but I was just a little girl that didn't understand that I will always be number one in my mom's life. I grew up being myself, I didn't hide my feelings, I cried when I wanted to cry and I smiled when I wanted to smile, now days I am different and I have changed a lot because I hide my feelings from people, so I think that when I was a child I was ME, now I am me but with some differences, it sounds weird, but that is how I feel. From my childhood I learned to go my own way, right now I am like that responsible and I rarely ask for help. Some friends have learned that from me to be responsible and not give up in High School and life, because they are capable of more and I encourage them to continue. The lesson I learned is to always know how to wait for good things to happen, because my life is good and now I see my dad every day, when my mom gets here life would be better .
ReplyDeleteI have so many good and not so good childhood memories, but one really stands out. The memory from my childhood that really shaped up to who I am today is when I went to St. Nick’s elementary school in Egg Harbor City. I only went there for kindergarden but I really learned a lot from it. I had a very smart teacher that taught me many life lessons. Plus this school was a private school so you couldn’t do all the things you could do in a public elementary school. For example, you had to wear a shirt, tie, and dress sacks to school everyday. That was hell! But I believe that started me off my school days on the right foot.
ReplyDeleteI don’t think I want my days at St. Nick’s to be a blueprint of the true me because I only went there for one year and that’s not who I am. I’m not a preppy kid who dresses up for school everyday, I like to be comfortable during school.
The lesson that has imparted with me as I left kindergarden is my love for children’s books. Still today when I hear “where the wild things are” I smile and think about my days at kindergarden. Even though I absolutely hate reading, this taught me that you don’t always have to enjoy those big thick chapter books.
As a child I remember doing a lot of things with my father two sisters and my cousin. We would do some crazy things together. I would like to say them but you would think of child abuse or something like that. But it was all in good fun. My best childhood memories would have to be from when I was with family. Family is a giant part of my life and will be forever. But growing up and always around with family was a great part in my life. Having Christmas together, birthdays together and going out to the river and tubing was always a great time. So when I get older and eventually have kids one day I want to pass on to them how great family is in my life and there’s and hopeful they would do the same with their children to make memories of their own.
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